Weed Side Effects: The Fault in our Ganja

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Weed Side Effects
Fault... What Fault?

There’s something really great about smoking. Lighting one up is just too fun and exciting. Don’t lie, it’s hard to resist the temptation of the beautiful glowing white stick. Ganja, so many names, so many meanings, for one little plant, and I’m not even counting the taboos. So many ways to enjoy this one little thing. And, it doesn’t feel bad afterwards, and seemingly there aren’t any visible bad effects either. Potheads worship it, society hates it, artists love it, cops are too high to give a fuck. As a long time smoker and lover of all things that are lit and ready to smoke, let’s look at the ways it can screw us over.

So, you’ve been smoking Mary Jane for a while, and you hear only good things about pot from people around you. DUH, they’re high too. As you’re smoking up every day, you’ll start to notice that you’re getting a bit slower and mellower. You’re becoming less aggressive. It’s nice right? Wait, but you forgot to do that really important paper that is due. It’s alright though, you can do it tomorrow. You don’t want to get out of the bed for the rest of the day? That’s fine; we all need to relax sometimes. What, it’s been 2 weeks since you remembered to take a shower and even your pubic hair smells of pot? Shit happens. The hygiene or the lack thereof becomes oh so apparent over time. Your manfunk can rival even the mightiest of hobos. You stink, go take a shower and contemplate life.

Weed Side Effects
For the People around you

This is the generation of procrastination and limited attention. We can all see how weed fits smoothly in this. We get high and forget about what little worries we have. I can hear your thoughts screaming, “Fuck you and your dog, I’m perfectly functional when I’m high,” from miles away. You’re not. You’re distracted, lazy and lack motivation when you’re high. And over time, it only gets worse. You start to get a little distant from everything. You can feel it sapping on your will power juices, and you let it. You still smoke one more joint, because that last one always hits the spot. You can hear that voice in your head becoming more ridiculous, but it’s only you right? And you tell yourself to fuck off, because aren’t we here only to have fun? From the most revered of philosophers to your average shiny-face bimbos, everyone has given opinions about that. But I digress. To long term regular smokers, weed becomes something very normal, and the high is not really unfamiliar anymore. And, they’ll probably able to identify how much of a passion, motivation killer it is. Hey, don’t take my word for it, go smell a local pothead.

It’s nice. Pot is nice. That is the problem isn’t it, it’s just too awesome. You take a few puffs, and let go of all your stress, worries with the foamy whites. It’s beautiful. But I’d argue that you’re not really letting go, you’re just forgetting them temporarily, along with a lot more things. Weed affects your short term memory, but what about those who spend every waking moment of their day high? That’s right fellow hash enthusiasts; ganja affects and alters your memory and your perception over time. So no, you’re not increasingly forgetting things because you’re just a bit forgetful, weed is slowly making you into that. So next time, think twice before you puff the magic dragon and forget how a fork works in family dinner. Your dad will think you’re a loser, and may question your manliness. I’m not speaking from experience, or anything.

Weed Side Effects
FUCK MANNERS, I AM HUNGRY!

Obsession. Fucking obsession destroys us. As you start to smoke pot on a more regular basis, you will begin to notice the alarming number of conversations you have about it. This is the start of an addiction. You may say, “But weed is not addictive, you lame imbecile.” I agree, it’s not addictive, at least not physically, in the sense that you won’t get any withdrawal syndromes. Oh, but in your head, you can get addicted to anything, just talk to your geeky, weeaboo, anime-obsessed friend, you’ll understand. After a while, you get dependent on weed. You start to long for it at night, when you can’t get to sleep. You crave it whenever anything stresses you. Now, I don’t think I need to elaborate on why addictions are wrong, ask your dad, he knows more about sticky-icky than you think.

Weed Side Effects
Perfect! If you want to work in Macdonalds for the rest of your life, that is…

I’m not going to talk about the health hazards of smoking, or how it can lead you to harder drugs, because that’s just too preachy. I’ll say this though, everything is good in moderation. Ganja is indeed magical, when you know how to tame it, not when it tames you. Look both ways when you’re crossing the streets next time. Happy toking!

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